Dark masks, false shells, camouflage, protective armour. These are some of the “layers” we use to hide our true selves when we believe that who we are just isn’t enough. Since the beginning of time man has been on a quest to answer the question: Who Am I? The journey, to liberating the truth, carries the potential for deep healing, self-discovery, and ultimate liberation.
And it can be scary as FUCK!
Early on I was seduced into the belief that my worth and value was determined by the outside world. My life and career were divinely chosen to perpetuate the idea that culture and society defined me. As life unfolded I became adept at reading others and used this knowledge to create a hologram of dependency that was seductive. The equation was as simple as it was elegant. I give you what you want and in return gain your approval and affection. What I didn’t fully appreciate at the time was that I forfeited my Soul for the false myth of recognition and acceptance. External validation became both my vocation and avocation. I was convinced that my lot in life was to be in service to others and take on their pain. I heroically assumed responsibility for the emotions of others as a call to arms. As I was attempting to show compassion, I would build resentment for not being appreciated. In place of empathy, I harbored fear of abandonment for not having done enough. I was pulled aimlessly into a downward spiral as the hero, the villain, and the victim. I resented feeling this way but resided in the eerie comfort of this familiar pain.
Growing up, I didn’t know what it meant to live from within. I’m sure there were examples all around me but I was either to naïve, or incapable, of knowing what “self-honoring” choices looked like. My family did the best they knew and I in turn carried on the tradition of lack, struggle and “blame for your pain”. My story takes many distorted twists and turns but the details don’t matter much here. When the pain of suffering became greater than the sting of being constantly disappointed by others I asked myself the question once again. Who am I? And it hit me like a ton of bricks. The primer to our ancient puzzler was as obvious as it was oblivious. The simplicity and magnificence of the answer was there all along but I was too distracted looking for answers behind closed doors.
The riddle unfolds as we rearrange the order of the words in our original question “Who Am I?”. Our answer begins to take form as our question now reads “I Am Who?”. Since an answer is a statement of fact or intention we make an adjustment to the narrative by contracting our focus on the first two words of our modified question. When we do this we are left with our divine truth. I AM.
I AM is all we ever need to know. I AM is the divine name of God and our connection to Spirit. I AM is inextricably integrated within our true essence. I AM forms the foundation for our original innocence and it is the birthright of our Soul. Though life’s journey pulls us sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, away from this place, the radiance of I AM never dims. When we are lost it is this Holy Light that calls us forward. All we need remember is to turn our attention toward our inner beacon, and be called safely home, like a wayward ship basking in the warm glow of the lighthouse. By doing this we recognize our capacity to find answers from within. Turn the focus inward and TRUST that everything you need is already there. Did we need to look any further for the answer to our question than to our question?