Sometimes I allow the ideologies of my past to dictate my present. I don’t want to surrender. Instead I find myself stirring in old stories and faulty beliefs, and suddenly I’m dizzily sitting in a self-made prison, totally disconnected from you.
There is a cacophony of spite that encroaches on my space
And makes it hard for me to hear your voice;
I tend to fully lose myself in this place.
My veins fill with former self-abnegation
And for a moment, I abandon myself
And, in turn, you.
It’s the ultimate sabotage in a house of mirrors –
Constant reflections of old insecurities and expired fears;
A ceaseless doubt of your love for me.
“Am I even worthy?”
And if I stay long enough in this disempowered illusion
The evidence of delusion always seems to surface…
Because thoughts become things,
And my outer reality mimics my inner way of being.
…I’ve gotten really close to losing you.
But thankfully I never have.
Our connection is far too sacred and solid
And my awareness prevails beyond my ability to be deceived…
So as loud as the lies are, they’re only lies.
Stories woven together from many broken threads.
I know this…
And thus, I find your voice again amidst the discord that fills my chamber —
I open to and breathe in the vastness of our love,
And I break through the wounding of my past.
Your devotion to my heart always brings me back.
I surrender again.
The Feminine Heart